IMAGINE 3 SCENARIOS..
1. A young man sees a Muslim
woman sitting behind a table that reads, “Free Qur’ans and Info on Islam,” on
his campus. The young man has been wanting to learn more about Islam and thinks
this as the perfect opportunity. In his desire to show his respect and acceptance
of the Muslim woman behind the table, he enthusiastically approaches the
Muslimah and introduces himself, sticking out his hand in introduction. She,
having apprehended this moment, responds to his innocent gesture
matter-of-factly. “I don’t shake men’s hands,” she states and leaves his hand
hanging. He, confused and embarrassed, recoils his hand and begins to
apologize if he had offended her while she tries to begin explaining something
about modesty and gender. He leaves the table possibly more interested, but
also, possibly TURNED OFF.
2. The same young man is
approaching that same Muslimah behind the da`wah (outreach) table.
She sees him coming and prepares herself. As he approaches and sticks out her
hand, she sticks hers out and passes something to him in their exchange.
Instead of her hand, he feels something big, cold and hard. He looks at it and
realizes… It’s a wide bar of chocolate! She smiles at his surprise
and confusion and explains, “We emphasize professional relationships through
modest interactions between genders… So instead of exchanging handshakes, we
exchange chocolate!”
Their hands touching were
completely intercepted by an unexpected delicacy. The Muslimah did not take
something away from him while he was sincerely trying to greet her. Instead, he
was given a gift and was then very receptive to hearing the reason for which he
was gifted.
3. The same young man is
approaching and the Muslimah realizes she ran out of chocolate. As he
approaches and sticks out his hand in greeting, she sticks hers out in a
peace sign. “Can I give you a peace sign?” she asks. “We emphasize professional
relationships through modest interactions between genders, so we love giving
peace signs in place of handshakes!” He then mimics her peace sign, giving her
a peace sign in return.
Some Muslims choose not to
physically interact with adult members of the opposite sex who are not
blood-related to them. When meeting someone for the first time, some Muslims
may choose not to shake hands. When on campus, some Muslims dodge their bodies
to avoid hugs. These moments often begin with trepidation on the part of the
Muslim who chooses not to engage in physical touch and they end in confusion,
embarrassment and sometimes offense on the part of the person who tried to
extend respect and acceptance through culturally acceptable modes of physical
expression.
However, it does not have to be
awkward, confusing or embarrassing! For those who choose to follow the opinions
barring physical touch with unrelated members of the opposite sex, it can be a
moment of great da`wah! It just needs to be done with swag.
When it comes to handshakes, instead
of pulling away and taking away the shared experience of a sign of acceptance
in our culture, Muslims should think of creative ways to give something in
exchange in order to honor and appreciate the kind gesture.
Hand situations might be easier
to intercede for those who choose not to shake them, but what about hugs? At
times, in their excitement, people throw themselves on others and there is
little time to back away. Depending on the circumstance, perhaps a way to
creatively deal with this in the moment is by shouting, “Air hug!” As one
person moves forward for the embrace, the Muslim can back away with arms wide
open, meeting their attempted hug with something similar—just without touching
and plenty of space in between. At this point, the Muslim can explain that
Islam encourages professional relationships between genders and as modesty is
emphasized, Muslims seek ways to maintain that modesty and respect through
different venues. After a couple of times, other people get the point and are
able to figure out ways by which they can respect and value the concept of
non-touch professional relationships.
Particularly with the air hug,
some wonder if it would give the wrong message. However, it seems the
communicated message actually reads: I’m off limits. However, even with those
limits, I’m working within my religion to try to make sure I appreciate and
honor your gesture of acceptance.
For Muslims who choose not to
touch, every situation is going to be different and must be met with wisdom as
Allahsubhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) tells us, “Invite to the way
of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way
that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His
way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided,” (Qur’an, 16:125).
Helping someone find the beauty
in Islam through a Muslim’s character and actions is more commendable and
righteous than causing someone to feel embarrassed or offended because of an
inadequate da`wah move. If one chooses not to engage in physical
touch, they should take it upon themselves to make sure they do it in a
creative and engaging manner so that those curious about Islam will find
themselves even more interested—not the other way around.
Each one of us has different
experiences and insight. The above are just a few suggestions. Please share
your collective wisdom on how to get real with da`wah as specifically
related to inter-gender relations so we can learn from your wisdom!
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